Maybe it was the full hysterectomy at age 30 that has led me to an early mid-life crisis. Maybe it's this crappy weather (I loathe winter and snow). But lately I've had a very hard time feeling like myself at all. It seems I'm just this robot that acts as wife and mom. Alone time is laughable. I can't even go to the bathroom without someone barging in needing me urgently. I was so fed up a few days ago that I actually announced that I was locking my bedroom door and Heaven help the person that interrupted me while I took a long, hot, well-deserved shower. I still want to be the trophy wife and mom, but I need to find something for myself as well, some sort of balance.
Which led me to my latest adventure/humiliation. A girlfriend took me to a play a couple of weeks ago in this amazing little theater-in-the-round. They are a quality operation and I notice they were holding auditions for an upcoming play. A play - not a musical - which is a rare thing in these parts. I have acted/modeled since I was old enough to walk, but I cannot carry a tune in a bucket. I went onto their website and got the audition sides yesterday. There was 1 female role - a British speaking female role. There are several dialects I can pull off, but British is not one of them. I spent most of the day yesterday listening and mimicking the BBC. I felt decent about my days worth of progress so off I went this morning to my audition. Let me make this clear - I had no delusions of being cast. My husband challenges me each day to be and do better. We've made a New Year's resolution to do the things we don't want to do, or are scared to do. Without doing those things we stay stagnant - and become totally boring!
The audition wasn't horrible. There were 6 people in my line, 2 males and 4 females. I don't know that I was the worst, but I definitely wasn't the best. They posted the callback list rather quickly (I think they have their favorites that work show after show) and I was not on it. For a moment I felt really rejected. But I had to let that go. A British accent? Me? Let's be realistic here - I wouldn't even buy a ticket to see that. So I went and did a little "retail therapy" at the most amazing thrift shop in the world. I finally got the fabric to sew a cushion for the bench in my mud room. Onward and upward!
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